Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and said, "I sure hope you know how to drive this thing."

You might not know that I keep jokes on hand for days like this, but they're not all good-bad enough to make it into the April Fool's list. This year I had stockpiled almost a dozen bad jokes about scissors for today, hoping that one of them would make the cut.

No pun in ten did.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and red all over?

A penguin with a cranberry rolling down a hill.

I had some jokes about communism in this list, but I was worried not everybody would get them.

There was a joke about a boomerang, too, but I can't remember what it was.

Oh well; I'm sure it'll come back to me.

I don't trust stairs or ladders. They're always up to something.

I have to say, the sun is always the high light of my day.

I grew up in a house that didn't have municipal water. Sometimes I think about moving back there. People always say, "but you'll have to get your water *out of the ground*!"

Trust me, I'm well aware.

I'm so glad to see so many people excited about the LEGO sale, although apparently nobody can get into the store yet.

They say people are lined up for blocks.

Oh, while I'm here, I've got a fun fact about space: It's really big. Like, SUPER big.

In fact, it's the largest key on the keyboard.