My only issue with this is that a 'centrist, religious, american' is never going to put the necessary effort to even gaze outside the labyrinth of walled-gardens. So you're hoping to cater to the very demographic that is the last to ever find visibility of such a platform

Edit: Install Gentoo

“allow questioning” for things such as our rights to exist with a society respecting of our presence or self-defense.

I never said anything even remotely similar to that, but I suppose how I can you see that as a logical next step. Where I was coming from was rather: if you consider yourself to be in kinship with Hexbear bc of the trans connection then in that case I completely understand your response, and just as readily disagree with it. Fwiw, Ada would as well, I am pretty sure?

The topic under discussion was toxicity, which Hexbear outright revels in at whereas Blåhaj Lemmy I thought was a beacon of shining hope to weed out such and create a truly welcoming atmosphere? (in regards to LGBTQIA+ lifestyle) Lumping the two together would be like saying that you must be best buddies with Donald Trump if you are a man (you = anyone here, non-specifically). Just as there is more than one way to live life, there are more than two sides to every logical position. I think there might be ways for people to co-exist, without Blåhaj Lemmy having to put up with any crap, and vice versa if conservatives wanted to not see that you exist. But seriously, if you are not aware, that's not what Chapotraphouse@hexbear.net is all about - that is only what they claim to be, which is what we might call an "alternative fact".

Thank you for your politeness even if we did disagree (which I am not certain that we did actually:-).

Fwiw I was not necessarily saying that we MUST or even that we SHOULD welcome mainstream normies here - I do happen to think that, but I have long since given up any hope that it will ever happen. So rather my position here was that we should be honest about what is present vs. not found anywhere in the Fediverse. We do have toxicity here. Even if you think that I personally am the chief source of it... then that still would show that such exists, no? As you open your eyes, perhaps to places best left hidden (and many of which fortunately your instance has already defederated from), you will see that it is quite common. This is a sad fact, but a true one.

It's fine if they never come here... but in that case can we be surprised when they lack an understanding of how it works and, seeing e.g. Chapotraphouse@hexbear.net, Lemmygrad.ml, perhaps even places that pretty much every respectable instance owner defederates from, then calls this place a horrid cesspool of toxicity?

That's also what people call us on r/Redditalternatives btw. Look up the tankie associations with the very name of Lemmy itself - not the software, but the actual name.

Or if we don't care about people coming here, or anyone else's opinion (especially uninformed), then why does this post exist in the first place? So perhaps we do care then, even if only a little?

I just wanted us to push ourselves to be more self reflective and honest about who we are. Whatever that ends up meaning, I don't even fully know.

“allow questioning” for things such as our rights to exist with a society respecting of our presence or self-defense.

I never said anything even remotely similar to that, but I suppose how I can you see that as a logical next step. Where I was coming from was rather: if you consider yourself to be in kinship with Hexbear bc of the trans connection then in that case I completely understand your response, and just as readily disagree with it. Fwiw, Ada would as well, I am pretty sure?

The topic under discussion was toxicity, which Hexbear outright revels in at whereas Blåhaj Lemmy I thought was a beacon of shining hope to weed out such and create a truly welcoming atmosphere? (in regards to LGBTQIA+ lifestyle) Lumping the two together would be like saying that you must be best buddies with Donald Trump if you are a man (you = anyone here, non-specifically). Just as there is more than one way to live life, there are more than two sides to every logical position. I think there might be ways for people to co-exist, without Blåhaj Lemmy having to put up with any crap, and vice versa if conservatives wanted to not see that you exist. But seriously, if you are not aware, that's not what Chapotraphouse@hexbear.net is all about - that is only what they claim to be, which is what we might call an "alternative fact".

Thank you for your politeness even if we did disagree (which I am not certain that we did actually:-).

Fwiw I was not necessarily saying that we MUST or even that we SHOULD welcome mainstream normies here - I do happen to think that, but I have long since given up any hope that it will ever happen. So rather my position here was that we should be honest about what is present vs. not found anywhere in the Fediverse. We do have toxicity here. Even if you think that I personally am the chief source of it... then that still would show that such exists, no? As you open your eyes, perhaps to places best left hidden (and many of which fortunately your instance has already defederated from), you will see that it is quite common. This is a sad fact, but a true one.

it really sucks that the largest trans communities aren't federated.

I really resent the cis people showing up to spread obvious lies. it was hexbear that first defedded blahaj because of the toxic behavior primarily from the 196 mods.

Looking at instances such as Hexbear and lemmygrad.ml... are they wrong though? And many other instances have given Hexbear a platform to promote and host i.e. spread their content across the wide Fediverse.

We are a tankie bar, plain and simple. Yes you can block it, but most instances have not historically gone very far in that regard, from the perspective of a new Reddit refugee, e.g. a centrist, religious, American who may not like what is going on but also is put off by calls for things such as outright murder.

If we want to expand, we need to get better at labeling the spaces so as to make people with a wider (aka more diverse) set of backgrounds comfortable here. We won't though, instead preferring to simply claim that everything that "in-group" says is correct (and often not allowed to be questioned, though mod & admin tolerances varies wildly) and everything that "out-group" says is 100% wrong and everyone is "stupid" for believing such.

if you consider yourself to be in kinship with Hexbear bc of the trans connection then in that case I completely understand your response, and just as readily disagree with it. Fwiw, Ada would as well, I am pretty sure?

Ada thinks Hexbear is a trans instance and it's rly rly weird. Any time I talk to those guys I think they're gonna call me a slur

I'm rly glad Hexbear defederated Blahaj because I just don't have the bandwidth to deal with those people most of the time. I always feel unsafe around them as a trans woman, and it's not just the mansplaining and the pig poop balls

I always feel unsafe around them as a trans woman

can you elaborate, because as a trans woman I've not felt unsafe at all.

Any time I said something they disagreed with on a shared community, I got dogpiled with "um, ackshually" style responses or even called a CIA agent. It felt like a hostile and unforgiving place, where I had to measure up to their standards or I'd just be punished. It was easy to feel like I'd be called a slur if I said something about my experiences as a woman they didn't like. I stayed quiet about that sort of stuff when I saw them in a thread because I didn't feel like I could be open, I stuck to things that were less personal to me.

Any time I said something they disagreed with on a shared community, I got dogpiled with "um, ackshually" style responses or even called a CIA agent. It felt like a hostile and unforgiving place, where I had to measure up to their standards or I'd just be punished. It was easy to feel like I'd be called a slur if I said something about my experiences as a woman they didn't like. I stayed quiet about that sort of stuff when I saw them in a thread because I didn't feel like I could be open, I stuck to things that were less personal to me.