Is it okay to express your feelings for someone even if you don't think they reciprocate
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If I were to do it. I'd tell them I love them and think about them
I've been in a similar situation and believe you. Still don't say it until you're dating, there are plenty of good people who will be scared if you say it too soon.
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I do actually mostly in group settings. Yeah they have, but I don't have confidence that it means we would date
Ok, great. I understand the position you're in. It can get lonely being by yourself and can be a heavy weight. And just about everyone has been stung by rejection and it can hurt like hell. But it's so important to temper your expectations until you can draw things out naturally. And even if this person does like you and would like to date you, you're going to put a ton of pressure on them if you burst out and say "I love you" right away. And even if you're in a group with them it should be easy to find a moment when just the 2 of you are together and start a conversation about something. Or open a door for them, or offer them something you're eating. Be attentive but not overbearing. And then maybe see if they're open to doing something just with you. See a movie, play a video game together, go to a museum ... Just be cool. So instead of saying "I love you", say, "I had a great time". See what happens from there!
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Some context does involve me opening up to this person and they telling me it's cute that I open over text, being lonely might make me get attached to them quickly.
The whole thought is if they didn't have same feelings about me; should I be open and say I should pursue a healthy relationship or just not say anything and let it come out through my actions
It depends. I've been on the other side and I'm glad they told me, but we were good friends. But it is awkward and uncomfortable, it just in that case made it so it was mutually understood what was happening as we drifted apart, rather than leaving me wondering why and them wondering what if.
Ultimately that's the thing, if it's probably a no, then you're more likely balancing a question of how much it needs to be said with how awkward you expect it to be, though likelihood of reciprocation is still a factor here, it's just that even at a definite no it may be worth it.
Most importantly though is about making it clear you'll respect however they feel. I wish I didn't have to say that, but unfortunately some people need it said.
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Okay here’s an alternative route:
Rather than trying to express this with words, do it through meaningful action. Go out of your way to spend time with this person. Suggest things you can do together even if it’s just going out for coffee or shopping or whatever. When they open up and share, listen in earnest and express empathy. This will allow your feelings to show themselves organically without you having to concoct some awkward-ass monologue about it. This will also provide you with nonverbal feedback about how they feel, and you can proceed accordingly.
Took me decades to figure this out myself btw.
Good point, but it's also important to learn to flirt with it. I have good friends that I do all those things (except flirt) with, and it's entirely platonic (some I find attractive, but have no romantic intentions towards, others aren't my type).
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That's a really bad idea. Don't do it.
Even if this person likes you and enjoys your company, they won't appreciate it. It'll make them feel uncomfortable and wary of you. As others have said, love is way too big a word for someone you're not in a relationship with.
I know you mean well, but read about love bombing and why it's bad.
As an aside, be mindful of why you feel you love them. Have you been harboring those feelings for a long time without expressing them? Did you build a future with them in your head? Some of those things can come off as staker-ish if dumped on someone, making them feel you've included them in something without their input.
Yeah, love is only for people you're in a relationship with and those you aren't seeking a relationship with. You can say you love your best friend, but if you start dating them, while the intensity of your feelings for each other may increase, the relationship is back to an early stage, just in a new track. You haven't built that track up enough for that word to feel safe and comfortable.
When you're pining over a friend you're partly thinking of them in the romantic relationship track. This means professing love doesn't just come off as "I care deeply for you" or "I'm interested in romance", it comes off as "we're getting pretty serious in my head, you should get in on it."
In general mismatched feelings are deeply uncomfortable and the more mismatched they are the less comfortable.
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Hopefully they tell me they don't feel the same or that they feel something.
Hopefully they would appreciate that they have my love
People do not appreciate having the love of people they don't feel the same towards. It's awkward and it feels like an obligation or expectation. It makes you overanalyze every interaction and want to pull back.
"Hey, I've been developing some feelings for you and was wondering if you felt the same way?" - normal, low expectation, allows rejection or acceptance without pressure
"I love you (and want a romantic relationship)" - intense and uncomfortable, high expectation, high pressure, may leave them wondering if you'll take no for an answer
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People do not appreciate having the love of people they don't feel the same towards. It's awkward and it feels like an obligation or expectation. It makes you overanalyze every interaction and want to pull back.
"Hey, I've been developing some feelings for you and was wondering if you felt the same way?" - normal, low expectation, allows rejection or acceptance without pressure
"I love you (and want a romantic relationship)" - intense and uncomfortable, high expectation, high pressure, may leave them wondering if you'll take no for an answer
I realized that if someone was young enough and expressed their interest I'd be weirded out by that
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It depends. I've been on the other side and I'm glad they told me, but we were good friends. But it is awkward and uncomfortable, it just in that case made it so it was mutually understood what was happening as we drifted apart, rather than leaving me wondering why and them wondering what if.
Ultimately that's the thing, if it's probably a no, then you're more likely balancing a question of how much it needs to be said with how awkward you expect it to be, though likelihood of reciprocation is still a factor here, it's just that even at a definite no it may be worth it.
Most importantly though is about making it clear you'll respect however they feel. I wish I didn't have to say that, but unfortunately some people need it said.
Shit an actual cautionary tale that's applicable to my situation. Most people assume I'm trying to gain a romantic relationship.
If someone else asks I guess I should play it off? I assume if they figured out through third party it would be weird
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Ok, great. I understand the position you're in. It can get lonely being by yourself and can be a heavy weight. And just about everyone has been stung by rejection and it can hurt like hell. But it's so important to temper your expectations until you can draw things out naturally. And even if this person does like you and would like to date you, you're going to put a ton of pressure on them if you burst out and say "I love you" right away. And even if you're in a group with them it should be easy to find a moment when just the 2 of you are together and start a conversation about something. Or open a door for them, or offer them something you're eating. Be attentive but not overbearing. And then maybe see if they're open to doing something just with you. See a movie, play a video game together, go to a museum ... Just be cool. So instead of saying "I love you", say, "I had a great time". See what happens from there!
So flirting. Quite a bit people recommend I go the flirting route which seems perfectly acceptable. I just suck at flirting and I still communicate in a stiff and direct way
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So flirting. Quite a bit people recommend I go the flirting route which seems perfectly acceptable. I just suck at flirting and I still communicate in a stiff and direct way
Good luck.
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